The Aftermath

I don't want this post to sound like I'm complaining, I just want this experience accurately recorded. That being said, the positive stuff first.... The surgery went fantastic, couldn't have gone better actually. Her hip went back into her socket perfectly, not too easily but not too tight (both have their downfalls), because of this Haddy was spared having to get some of her femur cut out. We thankfully only had to stay two nights. The staff at Shriners Hospital was nothing short of amazing. In fact, amazing isn't a good enough word. Our experience there was truly exceptional. Shriners is a wonderful facility, and for those who don't know (I didn't before all this), they run completely off of donations. It's for low income families who can't afford healthcare for their children, specializing in orthapedics. If we didn't have insurance, we wouldn't have to pay a dime. We fortunately have Medicaid, so they will bill Medicaid, but any co-pay or deductible or anything we might be charged, if we tell them it's a financial burden, we don't have to pay. Everyone who visited us was inspired by the generosity of the staff, and not just the medical staff, we had the van driver offer to come on Sunday to take Haddy to the park if she was getting sick of her hospital bed... talk about above and beyond! I think everyone left there feeling like they wanted to give back, I know I did. We are currently trying to think of ways we can donate/volunteer to do something for Shriners. For right now though, we are concentrating on Haddy. I must say, I had prepared myself for sad/hurting Haddy. I knew it would be difficult but I buoyed up my little spirit and went in ready to be strong, but what I was unaware of was that she would probably not be sad, she would be angry. And she is. She is very frustrated and it's making her a little mean and extra extra fussy. It's a lot harder feeling sorry for someone who keeps hitting you in the face whenever you try to get close.... She doesn't want to be put down (understandable, I would be sick of it too if I were her), but she is so heavy with that cast I can barely hold her longer than a few minutes! Our last day at the hospital was a difficult one. Haddy had her two very messy diapers in a row, and those moments made me realize what a big deal having this cast on was going to be. From my research I had gotten the impression there was a system on diapering, and I assumed (my first problem I suppose) that it was a system that worked...somehow. Well, I learned there is indeed a system. First, you tuck a sanitary pad into the hole in the bottom of the cast, then you tuck in a smaller diaper, then you put a bigger diaper over all of it, and you change it every 2-4 hours. There are a few problems with this system. One: it's ridiculously expensive. Two: the process with the cast involves me having to move her from her back to her stomach to her back again, and my hands get messy...and I'm a germaphobe and don't like touching things that can't get washed if I have messy hands.... Three: it doesn't work. Her first non-constipated poopy diaper, she got poop on her cast. My understanding was that this could not happen and if it did you needed to replace the cast. Well, I was wrong again. Apparently it happens all the time and you just wipe it off best you can and call it good. Um, what??? She's going to be in this cast for six weeks, and her first poopy diaper she gets poop on it. Poop that will be there until she gets her cast changed...in six weeks.... Did I mention I'm a germaphobe? Also the process of changing the poopy diaper was a huge ordeal. After the nurse left from helping me I completely broke down, I felt completely discouraged. I felt, and still feel, like I won't be able to go anywhere with her for fear of her having a poopy diaper and not having the army available to help me with it. Honestly, with her in her cast, I would just prefer to stay home the entire 3 months, but I know she will have major cabin fever and would enjoy going out a bit, but if she were to have a poopy diaper it would probably be a disaster, because she doesn't fit on a normal changing table they have places. So who knows what will happen there.
It is about 2:30 in the morning, I woke myself up at 1:30 to change Haddy's diaper, give her her medicine, and change her position (to prevent bed sores since she can't really move herself). I had kind of gotten past my poopy diaper breakdown from earlier and was moving on, until I changed her diaper an hour ago. Her cast had gotten wet. It had been 4 hours since her last diaper change (the doctor said once in the middle of the night would do the trick, and just change it more frequently during the day) and she hadn't even had anything to drink after 3:45 earlier that afternoon, and her cast had gotten wet. Again, quite discouraging, since that means I need to change it more often, like at least every 2 hours, at night as well as in the day. After realizing this I didn't feel like going back to bed (which I probably should have, since I just realized I won't be sleeping this summer), so I got on the computer and surfed the internet for a while until I thought I would update our blog on the surgery.
As discouraged and hard as this is, seeing the other children at the hospital made me realize how blessed we are. There were kids there with problems they will have all their lives, not just for a few months. My heart aches for the parents of those kids who have to put on smiling faces and be strong so their children can get through it, even though they're probably heartbroken inside. All of the families are low income and many only have one parent. This experience has brought to light the blessings I do have, including my wonderful, loving, supportive husband who, when I had my breakdown at the hospital, offered to go get me a large Dr Pepper (which he was smart enough to know that that is all I want during a breakdown), and continually impresses me with his level of commitment to our family. And even though Haddy is not herself and being difficult, I know we only have to endure for a few months. I also know that if Justin had gotten into a PhD program somewhere, this would be a million times harder than it is, because I wouldn't have the constant support of our wonderful family members constantly nearby who help shoulder the burden. Things happen for a reason, and I've said this before and I'll say it again, I know there is a plan for us. It is interesting watching it unfold and I look forward to braving future events with my very best friend, without whom I would be a complete wreck.
Since it is the middle of the night, I will post pictures later, but I must say, Haddy does look pretty cute in her pink cast :)

Surgery awaits....

We've survived our year in Pennsylvania, Justin's Master's Degree, and our move back to Utah, but now have bigger fish to fry. Many have seen Haddy walk, and everyone (including us) always thinks her little hobble is so cute! Except for my mom...the second she saw Haddy walk when we got off the plane from PA, she knew something was wrong. We all assumed she was just being her usual paranoid self, and that Haddy's little shuffle was due to being a new walker. As a few weeks went on, my mom finally talked me into making a Doctor's appointment to have Haddy's hip looked at. The Doctor was immediately concerned, and scheduled an appointment for Haddy at Shriners Hospital to see a specialist. We went there and had her hip X-rayed, and the difference between her hips on the X-ray was so obvious. Haddy's right hip is completely dislocated. Her socket is flat, and the ball is up higher than it's supposed to be, nowhere near the socket (the ball is what makes the socket curve around it, since the ball is nowhere near it, it's started to create a socket out of the bone above her hip socket, and this is why her actual socket is flat). I had tried to prepare myself for the possibilities at hand as far as treatment goes, and I knew surgery was an option, but when the Doctor confirmed Haddy would indeed need hip surgery asap, it was like a slap in the face. And the surgery is a bigger deal than I thought it would be. Haddy goes in tomorrow and will be in the hospital for 4-5 days, then will be in a body cast (technically it's called a "Spica cast") for 3 months. It cannot get wet, and this girl can make one heck of a mess, so we will have to be very careful the whole time. We're supposed to change her diaper every 2 hours during the day, and every 3-4 during the night (I'm having newborn flashbacks at the thought of waking up this often every night for 3 months). They may also have to take out part of her femur but won't know if that's necessary until they get in there. The hope is that the socket will begin to curve around the ball in the correct place, which would then secure it in place hopefully for life. The poor darling's summer is ruined, but I know we can get through it!
I'm not really sure what to expect, but I'm pretty sure seeing my helpless little girl in the hospital bed hooked up to all those tubes with a body cast on will be heartbreaking. But I've already had my basket case moment and decided it's time to move onto logistics. It will be really hard, but I am just so grateful to have such a wonderful Doctor who does these exact surgeries all the time, and to be here at home throughout this whole thing, surrounded by such supportive family and friends. We're told that Haddy having this surgery before she's 3 gives her a much higher likelihood of a full recovery with no lasting problems.
I know there are things far worse than hip surgery and a body cast for 3 months. I truly am thankful for the blessings we've been given and I know we're being looked out for.

New York!! (insert Alecia Keys singing "New York" here)

As a last hoorah we decided to go to the big ol' apple on Saturday. We woke up early and got there around 8:30, parked on Staten Island, and took the ferry across to New York City!!! When we got there it was kinda dead....there was barely anyone out, which was kind of weird. So we started walking, got to Wall St and that's where the crowds began. There was a large Asian tour group in line getting their pictures with the Bull, so we just passed it and admired it from afar. The first thing we did was go to the 9/11 Memorial. I'm not a particularly sentimental person, but as soon as we got close, it hit me like a ton of bricks that that was where it happened. I teared up on the spot and we hadn't even gotten to the memorial yet, the feeling of just being there was incredible. It was just the soft opening for the memorial so it was all closed off and we had to go through a bunch of airport-like security to get in, but it was worth it. It was amazing. The most beautiful monument I've ever seen (and I've seen my fair share of monuments). They had all the names of the victims on the edge of the waterfalls, and we saw a couple that said "and her unborn child" next to the woman's name. It really was a very spiritual thing being there. My heart ached for the people who lost loved ones, and I felt so thankful and proud to be an American. It was truly truly incredible, and afterwards Justin told me he noticed quite a few people crying, which made me feel better because I had started crying a few times at random.
Well, onto happier things. After that we got onto the subway (which was difficult for a germaphobe/terroristaphobe), and headed up to the Empire State Building. This we had to admire from the outside because it was about $23 per adult to get in, and we are poor. At this point I just needed to find a place to change a diaper....so we went into Macy's. When we got into the same general area as the bathroom, Haddy threw up all over the floor... I tried to clean it up without anyone noticing. Then the line to the bathroom was a million miles long which was discouraging, until I realized I wasn't using the bathroom, just the changing table, so I passed a lot of women who gave me a mean look....well while I was changing her messy diaper I ran out of wipes. With the crowds, the fussy and throwing up child, and me running out of wipes, I was starting to get stressed out a bit. Thankfully the changing table was right next to a sink and paper towels, so I was able to just get some paper towels wet and finish the job. Once we sat down and ate I was starting to feel better, until we proceeded to Times Square......HOLY COW!! I hated it. It was so crowded, and not stroller-friendly at all. It was literally wall-to-wall people, and a brain overload with all the TV advertisements that were flashing across everywhere. K, I'm gonna try and go faster because this post is taking me forever, long story short I hated the crowds. Then I went to Wicked and Justin and Haddy went to Central Park to hang out (yes, I went by myself...I'm cool like that). In short, Wicked was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!! Loved it. Then Justin and Haddy came and picked me up after, and we headed home. The end. Pictures:

This is one of the twin towers they're rebuilding

empire state building

See that look on my face? I hate Times Square.

So excited!!

Central Park

Justin and I decided we'd like to live here. Minus all the other people in the park.

The Little Rascal is Walking

Well here she is! Our progressing child. We sure love her.
Haddy now has four teeth, the bottom front two and the top front two. She likes to scrape them together and it drives Justin and I CRAZY!!! It's so much worse than nails on the chalkboard...ewwwww I get squeamish jut thinking about it....moving on. Haddy started walking on Sunday, April 1st. After Conference ended I sat down on the floor to play with her and she remarkably took a few quick awkward steps towards me without holding onto anything, so I yelled at Justin to get the video camera and we got a bunch of great video of some of Haddy's first steps! It was so much fun and she was having a blast! You could tell she was so proud of herself. And we were quite proud too!
Here are a few more pictures of our sweet Haddy :)

Whoaaaaa there!!

Hello. What's that you say? I'm adorable? Oh, why thank you.

One of Haddy's cute birthday outfits

This beautifully made cake represents the love I have for Haddy (also I'm showing off how awesome it is because, let's all just say it, it's aweome....did I mention I made it?)

Haddy likes to help me with the laundry. I usually put her in the laundry basket, then go fill it up with the clean clothes in the dryer with her at the bottom, then scoot her through the apartment then into her room, where she hands me clothes to fold. Once I've folded all of them is when she goes into destructo-mode and starts throwing them all over the place...

This is Haddy in the process of making a mess...the mess turns out much bigger btw

This is Haddy playing with her favorite toy, her quiet book! But it doesn't keep her quiet.....she likes to take out all of the pieces and scatter them throughout the apartment. She does this, literally, multiple times a day, which means multiple times a day I have to go on a scavenger hunt to find each piece, put it in its spot, and zip back up the quiet book until Haddy hands it to me again to unzip so the process can start all over. And speak of the devil, she just barely walked up and handed it to me so I can unzip it....I promise I didn't plan that!

Love that smile!

Isn't she just the cutest little patient you ever did see? Haddy got sick and went to the Doctor. She looks pretty happy here, the following pictures are the worst of it and you can see she is a very sad little goob.

:( Poor thing. She kind of looks like a zombie in this picture.

Her sad little red eyes and runny nose. I hate it when she's sick!

Swimsuit showoff time!!! I have always loved the baby suits that have the rash guards, and I thought this one was especially cute!! This one is a size 2T! So it's slightly large for a swimsuit, but it will last a long time we hope! And I love it.

Another shot of her adorable suit. She's got a pretty great swimsuit bod, don't ya think?

So happy! She wants to go swimming right now!!

Doesn't she look happy to be in a picture with me?...and this will hopefully be one of the last pictures of me with brown hair, since I'm going blonde again when we get to Utah.

Haddy in her wife-beater, eating her first popsicle. I don't think I need to mention she loved it....

Diva! This picture is dark, but so cute.

Look at that face!

There is a picture of Justin when he was really little on his paren'ts wall, and this picture of Haddy looks JUST LIKE that picture!!

This is Haddy on her first walk where she actually walked and not just wheeled around in her stroller. She did very well!

Well I love this girl. Besides walking she can do some other cool things, for instance she points to her mouth when I ask her where her mouth is, and when we say "where's baby" she points to herself, and when we say "more" she does the sign language sign for "more" which we're pretty sure she does without having a clue as to what it actually means.... She also is on the verge of learning how to give me a kiss. I have been practicing this one over and over with her for a long time, and every once in a while it will actually work! Although the other day I asked for  kiss, puckered up, leaned in and got a big lick on the mouth (I didn't ask for a puppy kiss!)...but it was still cute, and a little gross. Haddy enjoys playing hide and seek with me, and she is quite good at it! I crawl somewhere very quickly and hide, and she always finds me. Amazing. And she loves piggy-back rides, she always pats me on the back (that means she wants a piggy-back ride) but I just don't have the energy to be giving her constant piggy-back rides!
I love being a mom. It is definitely not easy! Sometimes I feel lonely, and sometimes I feel overwhelmed, and most of the time I don't know how I'm supposed to react in any/all situations, but there's nothing else I'd rather be doing! I wouldn't want anyone else raising my extremely sticky and dramatic child! I love her.

Come What May

So many of you know that Justin applied to some schools to get his PhD. Well none of them accepted us. This thought never really crossed our minds as Justin was filling out the applications, so we didn't really know what to do with ourselves when we found out. But now we've adjusted our thinking and are SO EXCITED to move back to Utah!!!! I can't wait. It has been a wonderful opportunity to be here in Philadelphia, and I am truly sad to leave my wonderful ward (best ward ever), but I'm so happy to be going back to family. Family is so so important to me, and I want my daughter to know her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. It's difficult to do that on the other side of the country....
So we are set to fly into Utah April 25th. We will be living in my parent's basement, probably for about a year. Some people may think "oh that sucks" but not me! I'll have multiple babysitters living right up stairs from me! And this will be my brother Brad's last year at home before he goes on a mission, so it'll be fun to spend more time with him. And also I love my parents. And there will be a little kitchenette thing downstairs for us, so it'll pretty much just be like we're in a little basement apartment, except it will be free, which we like since we are poor and in debt.
Although Philly and I have had our differences when it comes to driving and navigating, we have had some great times here. Here is a little list of things we will miss about Philly:
- Our ward. Our ward rocks. There is so much diversity and culture, and the people in it are nothing short of amazing. Best people I've ever met. And I LOVE my calling. I love my primary class and my activity day girls.
- Our friends. They rock. I hope we can stay in touch with them.
- There's a million cool things to do. We've gone to Gettysburg, Amish country, Valley Forge, Atlantic City/Beach, Washington DC, and done a bunch of things around Philly. We are planning on going to New York before we leave as well.
- The trees. Beautiful!
- The color. I love being the only white person at my grocery store!
- The history!! I love America, and I love being in such a significant place in America's history.
- Justin says: School. He is weird, he really loves school.... He says this year has been really rigorous but his education has been nothing short of "first class" and he has loved his experience at Penn.

Well that's all I can think of for now. Some of the things we won't miss include:
- The "dirt bike gang" as we like to call them. There's a group of boys that must live somewhere around here who have EXTREMELY LOUD dirt bikes that they literally just ride up and down the street for fun or something. I hate them.
- It's no secret I hate driving here. I will not miss it at all.
- Very few restaurants carry Dr Pepper. Lame.
- Humidity.

That's it. I can't think of anything else.

Well, life has yet again surprised us with what's in store. It turns out we're pretty bad at predicting it.... But all we can do is live life to the fullest and enjoy the ride, right? Justin will be reapplying to PhD programs in the Fall, although most said they require 2 years of work experience, but we'll see. Who knows? Not me. In the meantime we will be living the life in my parent's basement with free rent, cable, internet, and babysitting! I'm not complaining!

Spring Break Recap

Our last day of Spring Break we went to the Please Touch Museum, which is a children's museum. Here are our pictures:

Statue out front

Lobby

The lobby is as far as we got, because they were going to charge us $15 for Haddy!!!! We weren't about to spend $15 on her when she's still too young to even understand what's really going on....so we left. Instead, we went out to eat at a place called Friendly's and it was DELICIOUS!!!!!!! I don't think there are any in Utah, which is sad for Utah.
That was Spring Break! Now it's back to the grind.